You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
