Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
