We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
