awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
