A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
