Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
