im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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