upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
