She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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