FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
