Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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