dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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