i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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