I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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