I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
