i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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