Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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