Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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