Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
