Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
