I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
being pregnant is like rehab
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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