My nipple is on Facebook.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
