I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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