Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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