Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
this just has baby written all over it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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