Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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