Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
