Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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