We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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