Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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