I showed him my bush... on skype.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
