Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
