even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
