Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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