Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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