why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
