how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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