I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
