Your tits are I can't wait for
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
