the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
