fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
