whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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