i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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