I'm lost and stupid without you.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
