I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
