I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
