i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
