just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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