We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
