Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
