Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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