The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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