Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
