I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
