I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
