Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
