Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
