Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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