oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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